Barbara Brown, PhD asked:


Consider this scenario.  You have an employee who is constantly complaining about how others communicate.  This employee could also benefit from better communication approaches as well (unbeknownst to the employee of course!).  You have decided to talk to this employee, but you are unable to offer clear and concise suggestions for improving the situation. While ironic (not being able to communicate about communication), this happens.  

If it’s happened to you, one reason might be that you did not enter the discussion with a clear list of performance—improvement behaviors to recommend to the employee.  These could range from explaining that the employee needs to engage in more active listening or perhaps she or he needs to do better at asking open—ended questions. 

Another reason could be that you did not frame the discussion in way that encouraged the employee to see the value of trying your recommended behaviors.  Try getting employees to think about what they “want” from the coworkers they have difficultly communicating with.  Do they “want” others to stop being defensive, to listen more, or to just be more cooperative?  It’s all about results!  

Once you get employees to recognize the results they want, you can offer some behaviors to help them achieve those results.  Consider these three hypothetical results and recommended behaviors:

Result 1: One of your employees complains that coworkers are defensive and not cooperative during conversations. Your employee “wants” certain coworkers to be more civil.  

Your Recommended Behaviors Might Include:

• Stop using phrases such as ‘you always’ or ‘you never’ when discussing other coworkers’ mistakes.

• Allow coworkers to finish speaking before interrupting.

• When giving feedback, restate key points given by coworkers.

Result 2:  One of your employees is responsible for distributing assignments to other coworkers. But these coworkers seem to frequently misunderstand instructions or make unnecessary mistakes.  Your employee “wants” coworkers to do a better job of grasping instructions.

Your Recommended Behaviors Might Include:

• Use probing questions such as: 1. How might this task be accomplished quickly?  2. What are some possibilities for accomplishing this?

• Ask the coworker to explain the approach for handling the assignment.

• Give more specific instructions to the coworker by explaining ‘when, where, or how’ something needs to be done.  Then ask the coworker to restate the instructions.

Result 3:  One of your employees complains that when conflicts occur, they tend to escalate and evolve into discussions about personalities and non-relevant issues.  Your employee “wants” disagreements to be more civil.

Your Recommended Behaviors Might Include:

• Address ‘professional issues’ rather than ‘personal issues’ during difficult conversations.  Keep the topic on WORK, WORK, WORK!

• Address ‘behaviors’ rather than ‘beliefs’ during difficult conversations.  Keep the topic on what the other coworker DID or what the other coworker SAID.

• Address ‘facts’ rather than ‘feelings’ during difficult conversations.  Keep the topic on DATA and INFORMATION.

The main point to this process is to move the employee who is doing the complaining away from focusing on what’s wrong with other coworkers to focusing on what she or he wants.  An equally important point is to know the kind of behavioral changes you want to recommend.  When you approach performance discussions in this manner, you have a much better chance of getting employees to see the value of performance improvement.



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